She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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