I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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