sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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