I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize