Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
