Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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