wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
