Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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