Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
