even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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