Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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