Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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