To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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