i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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