i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
