That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
