last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
