tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
