My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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