You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
