He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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