I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize