life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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