Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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