my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
