i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
