I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
