i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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