check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
