Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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