It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
