Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
