it was like his penis was on wheels.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
