If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
