I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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