She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
