Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize