First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
