Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
