Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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