im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
