it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
