period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
