there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
