my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
