we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
