I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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