my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
