I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
