just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
