That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Randomize
