were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
