omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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