Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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