I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
then he tried to convert me to islam
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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