its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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