I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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