...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
