all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
