I am puke
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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