So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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