I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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