i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
