I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
