I think I won the penis lottery.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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