please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
