This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
