sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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