when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
