Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
