dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
