The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Randomize
