Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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