We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
