dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
